WHY SANTA SAYS "HO! HO! HO!"
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In ancient China, Master Ho was the supreme artist of the martial arts.
Over many years he perfected his skill, physically, intellectually, and
....vocally.  Master Ho became so skilled with the use of his voice that
he developed the ability simply to speak his name in a humorous way and
his opponent would fall over laughing.	Then Ho could do as he wished with
the enemy.  It was the pinnacle of the art.

The opponent would attack. Ho would step back, without even raising his
hands, "Ho! Ho!" he'd say.  The opponent would fall back, disarmed and
smiling. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Ho would say.  The opponent would bend over,
convulsed with laughter.  Ho would step forward, touch his enemy on the
neck with a slight pressure, and the man would fall over dead.

In his many studies Santa learned about Master Ho.  Chinese history leaves
a complete record of Ho's techniques -- Santa decided to try them.  His
purpose, though, wasn't to overwhelm and kill.  Instead he hoped simply to
master the art of making people laugh.

Santa practiced for many years, gradually gaining more and more skill with
Ho Karate.  He practiced on Mrs. Claus; he practiced on the elves.  Finally
he felt he was ready t try it on an outsider.  He crept down a chimney in
Liverpool, England, and found he was face to face with a befuddled homeowner.

"What in the world--" the homeowner started.

"Ho! Ho!" Santa said, and the homeowner smiled.  "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and the
homeowner started to laugh out loud.

Fake Santa's can say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" with no effect whatsoever.  But when
Santa says it, people laugh!  They can't help themselves.  They laugh until
the tears roll out of their eyes.  They laugh in guffaws and chuckles and
giggles.  Their eyes squeeze together; their lips turn up; their cheeks
push up ever-so-slightly; their mouths open wide -- and there it comes!

**  PROPER USAGE OF "HO! HO! HO!"  **
_____________________________________

"Ho!" alone has little power.  It can be effective for getting started,
however.  Once one "Ho!" has been sounded, it's difficult to prevent
another from rolling across the lips.  One "Ho!" is also used to alert the
listener that the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is about to be sounded.

"Ho! Ho!" is effective in creating a smile.  The sound is so inherently
mirthful that the listener smiles just in hearing it -- just as the reader
is now smiling in thinking of that delectable sound of "Ho! Ho!"  "Ho! Ho!"
is rarely used without going to the third step of HOs, though the speaker
with great self-control CAN limit himself to two HOs.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" is the zenith of the art.  If said correctly, it gives the
speaker overwhelming power over the listener.  Each AITCH should be
carefully aspirated; each OH should be spoken clearly, but cut off short.
OHs that are drawn out lose their punch.  Once a single set of "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
has been pronounced, a second should not be spoken to that listener for
quite some time, or his body will grow unbearably weak from the release of
joyous energy.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" is overdoing the whole thing, and should be totally
avoided.  Those who sink so low as to speak four HOs in succession have no
right to the art at all.

     WARNING:  Don't try the powerful "Ho! Ho! Ho!" on Santa.  You may
	       have some innate abilities with the art, and Santa may
	       fall down in laughter, making him late for the rest of
	       his rounds.