WHY THEY'RE CALLED FILIPINOS

(Editor's Note:  The following may be deemed racist by certain readers.  If you
are certainly a certain reader to whom this piece appears racist, well, sorry.
If you're a Filipino, we think you're cute.)

Even in the echoing halls of government, Filipinos wear sport shirts and
jackets.  On TV last week, during the heist of the Marcos government, it looked
like everyone had just come off the golf course to conduct a little bit of
casual government business like, say, a revolution.

Compared with the Filipinos we saw on TV, even the laid-backest of Californians
would look like a Type A workaholic, for sure you know?

Look how Filipinos conducted their revolution!	Did they shoot each other up?
Was the revolution protracted and angry? Are we kidding?

Marcos' tanks, rolling through the streets of Manila, obeyed traffic signals.
Citizens, rampaging through his palace, changed their minds and deposited loot
at the door before leaving.  Was there an effigy dangling from a streetlamp?
If so, we didn't see it and it probably had its shirt tail tucked in.

Is the new government going after Marcos with venegance? Absolutely--by
Filipino standards.  Corazon Aquino herself appointed a Minister of Good
Government to go over the books.  The Minister will probably cut Marcos'
pension or something equally strident.

All of this, while amusing, points out how civilized people of the Philippines
are, compared with almost any other nation. Can the South Africans solve their
racial problems so peacefully?	No.  Could the U.S.  settle its civil rights
problems so efficiently?  Uh-uh, no way.  Was Baby Doc DuValier kicked out of
Haiti with such grace?

Philippine political tactics may not be sweet, but, compared with Chicago for
instance, even the reports of widespread tampering pale.  And, although Cory
Aquino's new government is not exactly constitutionally kosher, it is being
quickly recognized by other nations simply because Filipinos are so nice.
Nice.

A member of our domestic federal government, George Shultz, called the change
in government a dramatic example of the democratic process, and it was.  Look:
Marcos called the elections a couple of months in advance, did his best to
manipulate it to his advantage, won but lost the confidence of the electorate
and therefore lost and left the country.

Compare that dramatic example with U.S. presidential elections:  Democrats
fight with other Democrats for 18 months--likewise the Republicans.  Then,
Republicans and Democrats fight with each other for four months.  If the wrong
candidate wins by losing he wins anyway and stays in office without even
thinking about giving the winning loser a vacation in Hawaii. Ex-presidents
stay on the payroll for life instead of being conveniently exiled to another
country.

Wouldn't you have felt better if Nixon or Carter had been exiled?

We personally know a few Filipinos living in America and they are among our
treasured acquaintances.  Were they up in arms about the turmoil in their
homeland?  We called the other day and heard their phone-answering machine say:
"We're not home right now but leave a message and we'll call you right back.
Oh, by the way, we support Corazon Aquino as the duly elected leader of our
country, but when Ferdy calls in a couple of weeks we'll probably have him over
for Bar-b-que. Beep!"