Path: moe.ksu.ksu.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!spool.mu.edu!uunet!world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James 'Kibo' Parry) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.startrek.creative,alt.religion.kibology Subject: THEY SAVED BIFF"S BRANE PART 6 (THE END !!!!!!!111) Keywords: BIFF, BIFF"S BRANE, Spot, SP0T, STAR TRECK THE 0RIJINAL SEEREEZ Message-ID: Date: 18 Feb 92 03:52:56 GMT Article-I.D.: world.BJstG9.B4r Organization: A room filled with typography (in Boston's Back Bay) Lines: 137 Xref: moe.ksu.ksu.edu talk.bizarre:78178 alt.startrek.creative:1583 [] The latest of the wacky misadventures of BIFF's off-gray matter. (One of the BIFFs just posted to rec.food.cooking... woo.) -- Kibo -- ********************************************************** ********************************************************** ********************************************************** ********************************************************** ******** ********* ******** THEY SAVED BIFF"S BRANE PART 6 !!!!!1 ********* ******** BIFF MEATS SPOT !!!! ********* ******** ********* ******** THE FINEL EPIS0D !!!!!!11 ********* ******** ********* ******** BUY KIBIFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 ********* ******** ********* ********************************************************** ********************************************************** ********************************************************** ********************************************************** ASTERISKS C0URTESY 0F THE ASTA RISC 2000 REDUCED INSTRUCTI0N SET PUNCTUATI0N GENERAT0R! FILM F00TAGE FR0M "STAR TREK 5" C0URTESY 0F PARAM0UNDS/ALM0ND J0Y INC! BIFF APPEARED C0URTESY 0F THE PSU MENTAL H0SPITAL! SP0T APPEARED BECAUSE HE WASN'T ALL0WED T0 REFUSE!!! Biff was between lobotomies this week. He was wandering around his dorm room aimlessly. MY BRANE FEELZ K00L, he thought, because they had not yet put the top of his skull back. * * * * * Meanwhile, in deep deep dark space, at the creamy center of the Milky Way, the USS Enterprise flashed its turn signals. * * * * * BIFF tripped over his pet gerbil Dinky, and his brain fell out. It fell against the window while the window was open. The window was also ten stories above the street. The brain plummeted. It struck the ground like a water balloon without the balloon. BIFF didn't notice and tried to iron out the kinks in his iron's electrical cord. * * * * * The USS Enterprise encountered a barrier of asterisks across the center of the galaxy. The ship was doomed! * * * * * "0W 0W !!!!111 0W !!!!111 I G0T A BLISTER!" shouted BIFF. He tried to pop it only to discover it was his eyeball. He leaned out the window to scream in pain, and noticed his brain lying on the sidewalk directly below, as well as below to the left and across the street. In the mild breeze, BIFF's brain quivered indecisively like Jell-O, and then relaxed like a lump of Spam. Spot ambled over, his dog tags jingling in the wind. "What's this?" yapped Spot. "Looks like Spam! I love Spam!" (munch, munch) * * * * * "Warp five zillion," ordered Kirk. Sulu pressed the magic button and the Enterprise whooshed away from the center of the galaxy. Kirk sobbed. Because the ship had been unable to reach the center of the galaxy, he had been unable to complete his mission of buying cigarettes at every 7-11 in the Universe within five years. The 7-11 at the galactic core was rumored to have fresh Dakotas. Kirk would never know. "Dammit, Jim," McCoy growled, "don't you know smoking's bad for you? Here, try this air-hypo of Saurian heroin." * * * * * "Wow, that Spam tasted weird," yapped Spot. "In fact, it's HAVING A STRANGE EFECT 0N ME !!!!!!!HELP !!!!!!111" Spot's fur fell off with a *SPLAT*. He noticed that the spot on his side had mutated into a large asterisk! * * * * * Kirk adjusted his shirt. "Mr. Scott, execute Starfleet General Order Two Zero Zero Six." "`Self-destruct for no particular reason', Sir?" "That's the one, Scotty." "But, Sair... I kinna do it... I hae not the insurance..." "You have your orders, Mr. Scott. Follow them or I'll keelhaul you all the way through the Crab Nebula. Kirk out." In Engineering, Scotty prepared to push the button labeled NEVER PRESS THIS BUTTON SINCE IT MAKES THE WHOLE SHIP BLOW UP, but discovered that he couldn't reach it with his paw. Some sinister force had changed Scotty into a scotty! He barked and ran in circles, frustrated. * * * * * Meanwhile, Spot, now possessed by the spirit of BIFF, was building a spaceship from his Tinkertoys and his C64. He wanted to go explore deep space, or as he put it, 2 XPL0R DEEP SPASE. You can see where this is leading, can't you? Obviously, Spot/BIFF will meet Scotty/scotty and they'll either fall in love... or else they'll beat each other to death with pool cues! * * * * * Scotty was chasing shuttlecraft, barking at them. * * * * * Spot's spaceship, THE J00PITER 1, lifted off with a massive cloud of smoke that smelled like bacon. In reached orbit within minutes and collided with the USS Enterprise. Spot stepped out onto the wreckage of the Enterprise's bridge. "W0W !!! THIS IS JSUT LIEK STAR TRECK !!!!!!111" he yapped. "My HERO!" barked Scotty, giving Spot a big wet kiss. Then they beat each other to death with pool cues. The Enterprise, out of control, sailed into the Sun and dissolved. T H E E N D DEDICATTED T0 THE MEMERY 0F BIFFS BRANE !!!!!!!1 -- .................. ................................................... James "Kibo" Parry 271 Dartmouth St #3D, Boston MA 02116 (617)262-3922 kibo@world.std.com Independent graphic designer and typeface designer.